4 Advantages Women Over 50 Have in the Dating Game

I think you’ll agree – we women in our 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond are more sorted than ever.

We’ve got our careers and we’re usually earning our own money, often plenty of it. We know what we like and we know how to go and get it.

We’re independent, successful women.

But for all our fabulous achievements, the process of finding a decent man can present a massive challenge. There’s no doubt that women in midlife can, for various reasons, have a particularly hard time in finding a good guy, and in this series of posts, I’m going to show you how to overcome these challenges.

But to get into a good position to meet a quality man, one of the most important things we need is a positive mindset.

And so to that end I’d like to point out some of the serious advantages that we older women have in the quest for a partner. We have plenty of reasons to be cheerful.

Yes really honestly. Read on.

1. Menopause & onwards is the perfect time for new adventures

The thing is, menopause does not signal that we’re old or done for – it’s actually a biological gift.

It’s when your body says,

 “Right, I’m done with making babies, and going through all the hormonal cycles, menstruation, mood swings, competition and all that palaver, and now I’m going to spend my energy on having new missions, new adventures, and I can bestow my wisdom and my productivity on my family, my social group or for the greater good!”

 That is what menopause evolved for!

I know that for some it can be a pretty difficult time dealing with various symptoms and I’ll give you some tips on how to deal with these elsewhere, but for now I want to emphasise the point that menopause isn’t about being on the way out, it’s about having new opportunities.

So it means is that we’re released from the shackles of reproduction and we can base our choice of partner on what we would like in our lives, not on who we want to be the father of our kids. And we’re in the fortunate position nowadays not to be restricted by old-fashioned values about how we should act at this age.

Y’know there’s no rule that says when we hit 50 we have to quietly go off into a corner and become invisible.

Let’s face it – our 50s and 60s nowadays aren’t what they used to be. As long as we’ve looked after ourselves, our middle age can be a whole new journey. Our kids, if we have them, are leaving home or at least getting old enough not to take up all our time, and we’re still young and hopefully healthy enough to try new stuff, have amazing escapades and get into a fantastic new relationship.

2. We don’t have to find a good father for our babies

 Being post reproductive also means we can decouple ourselves from the desires we used to have on the basis of genetic quality. We’re not looking for a good genetic father for our kids when we’re looking for a partner.

This potentially means that you might be in a better position to choose a partner on the basis of having qualities that will make them good at relationships rather than being so concerned about the chemistry.

So you can choose someone who will make you happy!  I’ll let you into a secret by the way: Generally the men younger women really get the hots for are not those who are especially likely to make them happy - our biology doesn't care about happiness.

Now we’re older, our hormones can actually start working in our favour!

How do they do that you may ask?

Well, when women are at the reproductive stage of life, they tend to have a slight penchant for masculine looking men, especially at times of the month when they’re experiencing peaks in levels of the hormone oestrogen and can get pregnant. This preference allegedly exists because masculine, dominant, men – those with higher levels of circulating testosterone - are thought to be healthier and potentially of higher genetic quality than their less macho peers. Important if they might be the father of your kids.

So women with high oestrogen levels often want men with high testosterone levels.

The problem with high testosterone men though is that they can spell trouble in relationships – potentially prone to infidelity and general bad behaviour. But for women in their reproductive years they’re often irresistible, in spite of being a pain in the ass.

What about post-reproductive women then? We don’t need a good genetic father for the kids so are we still attracted to masculine men?

To find out, a team led by evolutionary psychologist Tony Little, then at the University of Stirling, tested women’s preference for men in photos – with varying levels of masculine or feminine appearance.

When they tested reproductive aged women they found, as expected from previous research, a small degree of preference for masculine looking male faces. But when they tested pre-pubescent girls, and women of post reproductive age, none of whom experience the monthly spikes in oestrogen or can get pregnant – they found that these participants preferred male faces that were a bit more feminine.

It makes perfect sense. What’s the point in going for a masculine bloke and putting up with the costs of a high testosterone partner when you can’t get the good gene benefits?

Women who are going through, or are past menopause are more likely to want a good companion than good genes. And so it appears that, for post-reproductive women, our hormones are working in favour of our relationship happiness!

3. We don’t have to worry about a loudly ticking biological clock

We’re in a much more relaxed position than the women maybe 10, 15 or 20 years younger than us that are desperate to find a man to have babies with.

Single women in their late 30s and early 40s who’d like to start a family are, sadly, in a particularly tricky position because men of their own age and older who are in the market for baby-making will usually be aiming to partner up with someone in their 20s or early 30s. This really cranks up the pressure for these older reproductive-age women. Once we’re past 45 and heading into our 50s or older we’re done with that.

Assuming you’re in my target demographic for this blog, either you’ve had kids or you haven’t but it’s unlikely that you’ll be giving birth any time soon. You’re not in the competition then for broody males, or “the one” to set up home and have children with.

 Definitely a relief!

4. We can take it or leave it – we’re independent!

We older women can afford to try things out and we can leave a relationship if we don’t like it. We know we won’t get caught up in being dependent on a guy because of children and needing him to help look after them and fund them.

And no chance of getting swamped by nappies and having sleepless nights because of crying babies. We can spend our time on our relationship and enjoying being together, which seems like a recipe for success to me.

So… there you go, plenty for we women in midlife to be happy about then. I hope this helps you feel more positive about getting out there to find a great guy.

Watch this space and I’ll be giving you plenty of science based tips on exactly how to do just that, so you can find the man you need for a fabulous relationship!

Mairi Macleod PhD