Could you tell us a little bit about yourself Jane?

I live in Windsor and work in Finance at a consumer healthcare company. 

Before you started the Dating Evolved Group Program, where were you with relationships and dating?

I'd been in a long-term relationship for 16 years that I had chosen to end in 2018 for various reasons. I decided that I would wait at least 18 months before even considering dating (and kept to this due to the presence of orthodontic braces. I wasn't going to date while I had those!) However, I hadn't anticipated a global pandemic!  In a period when some restrictions were being lifted in 2020, I decided to give online dating a go. What a learning curve!! I put a profile out really quickly and probably reworked it every week. I set what I now realise were some fairly restrictive boundaries, so for example, I really wanted somebody who was based in London and wanted somebody over a certain height. If they could ski, cycle and run, then so much the better. It took me a long time to realise how I was restricting my options. I went on various dates (and sometimes there would be quite long dry spells) and had a couple of short-term relationships that didn't work out. I knew I seemed to be attracted to certain sorts of men, who I now know to be narcissists. On top of this, I know now that I have ADHD which impacted my dating behaviour, as I would be driven by the need for excitement for a dopamine hit. It also gives me an additional challenge from something called “rejection sensitivity dysphoria”. I took rejection hard, even from men I didn't particularly like.

What do you think were your biggest challenges in moving on from that situation? 

Understanding "there was nothing wrong with me" (most women who internet date seem to experience some of the same bad behaviours that I did). I didn't know I had ADHD at that point, but I did need to learn how to let go of the feeling of rejection, as I knew that had little to do with the other person, but was something within me.

How do you feel the Dating Evolved Group Program helped with this?

Understanding the “Dark Triad” - that was an "ah-ha" moment for me! Hearing that other women encountered some of the same nonsense was helpful, but also they put everything into perspective. The biggest learning of all was understanding my “need”s vs my “wants”. That was a game changer for me once I really started to consider it.  Give me a shorter, kind man who doesn't ski over a tall narcissist who can ski really well any day of the week! 

Did the Dating Evolved program deliver on its promise of teaching you how to identify, attract, desire, and find the man you needed for a great relationship? 

It did, yes! I don't know whether it helped me attract him in the first place as I'd actually met him near the beginning of the program, but it really made me see that he met my needs and opened my eyes to what a wonderful individual he is. I wouldn’t have seen that in the past.

Do you feel that the Dating Evolved community was helpful in supporting you? 

Yes! I REALLY enjoy the interaction from the wonderful women in this community. I think if I'd had this group sooner, I'd have steered clear of some of my disastrous encounters! 

What do you think was the biggest thing you got from the Dating Evolved program? 

Needs vs wants giving me an open mind and a clear template for making choices. 

I know you’ve found a wonderful partner now and you’re into your 2^nd year together! Can you tell us how you met him and how things are going?

I met him via Internet dating and am SO very lucky to have him in my life. We have been on a couple of really great holidays, but wherever we are, we love our time together. I feel so well looked after. It just works brilliantly.

Do you have any advice for women who are looking for a partner and are perhaps feeling like it’ll never happen for them?

Be patient.

Be flexible on your boundaries. 

Don't rule out internet dating and be prepared to be open-minded. Don't assume they'll come to you and be prepared to make the first move.

Take a break from time to time.

Take the Dating Evolved Program – and listen to Mairi's guidance! 

And about height.... honestly, I was fixated on this, but get over it! If I hadn't flexed on this, I wouldn't now be in the best relationship I've ever had!